i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
