i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
