good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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