do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
