The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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