i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
