Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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