I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
