Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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