I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
