There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
