Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
