All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
