I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
