Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
They have beer where we have blood.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
