I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I had to cum in my sink.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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