i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
