apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
