She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
