i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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