you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
