so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
