Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
