Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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