Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
