And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
