U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
