dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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