If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
