come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
