You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
soo... how was my night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
