I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
