Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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