I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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