1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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