hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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