i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you traded sex for a burrito?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
