Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sext me about skeletons
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
