I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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