I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
