I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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