I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
