Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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