Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
PANTIES FOUND
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
