Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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