is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
A bitchslap is in order.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
