finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
