I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
