i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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