that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My bed smells like the plague
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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